


Thank you for my pornography!

by gracicah



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-20
Updated: 2019-07-20
Packaged: 2020-07-09 12:43:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19888024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gracicah/pseuds/gracicah
Summary: Crowley asks Aziraphale for a book recommendation.





	Thank you for my pornography!

The bell tinkled as Gabriel entered the quiet, dusty bookshop. It was a common misconception that every time a bell rang, an angel got its wings. In point of fact, all it did was slightly ruffle their feathers. Gabriel knew Aziraphale knew this, and couldn't help but wonder if he did it on purpose.

Still, he was not to be deterred. He was here on important business. Well, semi-important. It was enough to get him to come down here, in any case, and he was, without a doubt, a very important angel.

To this end, he strode down aisle after cluttered aisle in search of the angelic shopkeeper. He was perplexed as to how anyone whose lifestyle was so disorganized, so haphazard, so... unclean, could still count himself among the ranks of Heaven. He picked up a book at random and flipped through its pages with mild curiosity. At least, Gabriel reflected, Aziraphale seemed to have retained the virtue of patience. He drummed his fingers on the book's spine, snapped it shut, and sneezed from the resulting cloud of dust. He listened carefully, but from no corner of the shop did he hear even the slightest whisper of a “God bless you.” The absolute cheek!

Paying closer attention, Gabriel did hear the faint sound of voices coming from the back room. _Of course_ , he thought. Someone had come to make a discreet purchase, and Aziraphale was naturally attending to the matter in a private location. Gabriel drifted closer to the back – not to eavesdrop, of course, just to be ready to catch the angel before another customer could come bumbling along and monopolize his attention. If he happened to pick up bits and pieces of the conversation, well, it was hardly his fault if the rest of the shop was so quiet he could hear the spiders spinning their webs.

“ – a face, and a voice saying 'This is your friend,'” he could hear Aziraphale saying.

A familiar voice replied, “What, that's it? That's the whole dream?”

“Well, yes.”

“Seems a bit tame.”

“Well, I think it's terribly romantic, even if it's not the sort of dream one would expect to send a man running to a hypnotist nowadays.”

“Only you, angel.” A pause, then: “Perhaps you're right.”

“Hm?”

“Well, it's not what I would call a sexy bit, but then, I'm a demon, aren't I? Perhaps it's different for your lot.”

“There is some talk of – sharing – later in the book, you know.”

“ _Sharing_? Is that what you call it?”

“That's what he calls it.”

“ _Sharing_? Between _friends_? Oh, angel.”

“You asked. I'm only telling you.”

“All right, what exactly happens when these two share?”

“Alec – that's the groundskeeper – leans a ladder against Maurice's window and climbs up to visit him in the night, that's what!”

“And?”

“You know very well 'and' what, Crowley, as did the intended audience. There was no need to do anything more than imply.”

“Angel, you're making this very difficult for me.”

“Am I?”

“Yes, you are!”

“Oh, I'm terribly sorry.”

“You are _not_. You're having a laugh at me, that's what you're doing! You think it's fun to watch your snaky friend twist himself into knots trying to find a foothold in your top pick of gay romances? You did this on purpose because you _knew_ – ”

“Knew what?” Gabriel could hear the stifled laughter in Aziraphale's voice.

“You bloody bastard, don't make me say it.”

“All right, my dear. I'll take it as implied, shall I?”

Crowley made an exasperated noise, and then a surprised sort of squeak, and then several other noises Gabriel decided he'd rather not continue to hear. Rather than suffer the indignity of walking back out through the bookshop, he simply abandoned the corporeal plane. Even that mode of exit wasn't quite fast enough for his liking.

**Author's Note:**

> The book Aziraphale recommends to Crowley is Maurice by E.M. Forster. It was written in 1914 and had to be published posthumously in 1971 because it featured gay characters who didn't die or meet some other unhappy fate in the end.
> 
> It is decidedly not pornography.


End file.
